I was watching "Finding Nemo" with my son, ( I really love that movie) and, as always, I was humored by the contrast between Dory and Marlon. Marlon is passionate about finding his son, Nemo, while Dory is suffering from amnesia, so she basically lives her life from moment to moment. Marlon wants to be the perfect parent, while Dory doesn't desire anymore than to live in the moment...because in her mind, that's all she has or can remember.
If you have seen the movie, one of my favorite scenes in it was the one with the whale.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYoUkGRFmR0
I have posted a You Tube Link above. Let me make it very clear, I DO NOT HAVE RIGHTS TO THIS SHOW, IT BELONGS TO DISNEY...That being said, view it at your own risk...now, moving on...
The scene with the whale gave alot of examples of how some of us can be as parents.
Lesson 1: When Marlon and Dory were unsure of where to go, Marlon was trying to figure it out on his own, whereas Dory was immediately looking for help.
Why are we so afraid to ask for help? (Me included) I admit, there are days when I don't know what to do. Personally, I do this when it comes to a babysitter, running out of funds and supplies, discipline, potty training, impatience with my child...etc.
Here is some direction:
You may not be a "Holy roller" or a "Jesus Freak", you may never have read the bible, but as a parent, it is one of the oldest guidebooks to ever be written, and because I am a woman of Faith, this is the first piece of advice I want to give to you. If you can read, Leslie's Book of Confidence ( I don't know if that is a real book or not, but bear with me) or "How to Lose a man in 10 Days" or, "How to be a better mom" and take advice from those books, then the Bible is no different, it is a book or written accounts from people who have lived and died with advice, direction and wisdom. So here goes:
I Peter 5:1-4 reads the following:
1 To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder and a witness of Christ’s sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed: 2 Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; 3 not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.
In this verse, God is telling the Elders of the community to be a helping hand towards those in need. My interpretation as to why he told them this is because, they have lived long lives before the other generations, and they have experiences, they have seen what their wrong decisions have caused and the outcomes of good decisions. So ask for help...they are here for us.
I Peter 5:5-6
5 In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”[a]
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
God shows favor to those of us who are humble enough to tell Him that we are lost and don't know what to do. I too am guilty of this. This is the one thing I struggle with as a parent. In this verse God is telling us that He has provided our elders parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, our church family, friends of older generations to be there for us. We, as parents, need to humble ourselves enough to ask them for the help we need.
Some of them are so grateful to be apart of our lives. Imagine your life without your child(ren) anymore; you have raised them and they no longer need you. I think I would have this huge void. So by being humble enough to ask your elders for help and advice, you may be blessing them in return by filling a void for them, therefore bringing them great joy and something to look forward to.
I Peter 5:7
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
God is commanding us to Cast all of our anxiety and care on Him. He doesn't want us to struggle, be confused or anxious. We will hit tough times, but God is reminding us to trust Him and to realize that we are not in control. He knows the future He has for us and we need to spend our time loving, living and serving our families, and those around us. He blesses us with new life each day, and the lives of our children; one more day to look into their eyes, that is blessing enough for us to cast our anxieties (which are caused by ungodly factors) on Him.
Lesson 2: While in the mouth of the whale, Marlon gets depressed and starts recalling a promise that he made to Nemo. The promise was that he would never let anything happen to him (Nemo). Dory quickly let him know that if you never let your child face their own experiences, then they will never develop and grow for themselves.
We need to "...train a child in the way that he should go" (Proverbs 22:6).
If we are RAISING our children, teaching them, guiding them and disciplining them, God will do the rest. Our children may go through ups and downs, but they will remember our example to them as parents and react in that way or even better, they may surprise you.
Lesson 3: When the whale tells Dory to move to the back of the throat, Marlon immediately becomes negative. He thinks the whale is going to eat them, forgetting the fact that, they are still alive and whales don't eat fish. When the whale tells them that its time to let go, Marlon's reaction was , "How do you know something bad isn't going to happen?"
As a parent, I have learned that in order to move forward with my life, I need to let go of the past and the negativity that comes with it. Forgive, move on, and create new experiences. if we bring our past into our daily lives with our children, it will affect our mood and our actions, and as I wrote in the first blog, they see it and they mock it. We cannot change the past, and most importantly we cannot predict the future. We are not perfect, but we can prepare ourselves for the best possible outcome given the circumstance we are facing.
We will never know if something good or bad will happen. This is where our faith comes into play. Have faith the God will be your guide, pray about your actions, and remember prayer without action is void...meaning if you pray to exercise patience and then don't do it, don't expect your situation to change.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:4-8
"Love is patient"
When my child was born, I was immediately changed. I worried about him, my body missed his presence within, and I had the need to protect him. I knew right then that I wanted to do whatever I could to provide for him a life better than the one I had. It was as though he could judge at such a young age. I remember daydreaming in the hospital about his room, his space, his toys, and none of it reflected visions of divorce, abandonment, homelessness, and fear.
In the months ahead, I had to learn very quickly the meaning of patience. Patience with my (then) husband, patience with myself as a new mother, and with my family. God granted me this virtue because He knew I needed it, I needed to practice it so that I had it to pull on in the future...It wasn't easy, but I learned it and am still learning new patience every day.
"Kind"
As a mother, I have learned that my son is a reflection of me. When I am with him, I am representing him, and he is representing me . I have always been kind, but in my new role, I have found it very hard to hold my temper when I feel like my son has been wronged in some way.
I also learned quickly that all of my actions were being imitated by my son, so if I was kind to a stranger, he would be too. If I was kind to his father, he would be too. If I reacted in a negative tone, he would learn that too. My son is 2 years old now, and it is so funny to see him imitate me on a cell phone, even down to the "uh huh's". Through this experience, I realize I am responsible for his actions...so parents, remember to be kind.
"...It does not envy, boast, nor is proud"
Hmm...I am not envious, I am not boastful, but I am very proud of my son. I am proud of the little person that he is, he is compassionate, sensitive, a blessing, and pure joy. He keeps me excited about life, smiling even when I am down...now a days, he reminds me to talk to God...usually when he is trying to dodge bedtime, but I cannot help but be proud of him. Children sense their parents' enthusiasm about them, it makes them excited and want to do better, just to get that reaction...and for a child, that is priceless.
"...It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking"
In all you do, give honor and glory to God. If you spend your time dishonoring others, our children learn that and will do it too...need an example? Look at today's children, they have no manners, and have no respect for elders...As human beings, we were born selfish, I teach my son daily to share, and to realize he is here for a reason, and being mean and selfish is not one of those reasons. The things we have today are things that we worked for, time was put into it, and it can all be taken away.
"...It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
If you get nothing else out of this blog, at least realize that life is too short. Too short to hold on to anger, and too short not to forgive. Children die daily some from terminal illnesses, some from accidents and mistakes, and some from things that still have no explanation.
Forgiveness and anger are two things that I believe are learned behaviors and are passed on or not passed on (for forgiveness sake) through generations. I believe anger is a generational curse, and forgiveness, a generational blessing. God forgives us daily for our sins, and keeps no records of our wrongs. He knows what we have done, and what our potential is, He does this for us, His children. Remember that these things are important in rearing a child. Don't teach them anger, teach them to let go, and let God deal with the other party, because life is too short and will pass us by if we hold on to anger for years. Forgiveness is essential to growth and releasing anger, they work hand in hand. I had to forgive my son's father for things he had done in order to keep a peaceful relationship with him that teaches our son to respect him despite things that have nothing to do with him. It is our duty as parents to teach our children this.
You're probably wondering where I am going with all of this information. Well for starters, my name is Triniece Matthews. I am a divorced, single parent to a wonderful little boy. I Corinthians 13:4-8 is one of my favorite scriptures, mainly for the reasons given above but also because of how it relates to being a parent. I am writing this blog to help give support to parents operating alone who need someone to relate to. Parents who need an example to agree or disagree with, to reassure them that they are either doing something right, or wrong, and for me to agree with them on the fact that even as parents, we do not have all the answers.
My main reason for writing this blog is to help parents, especially single parents to remember, that even though we may work more jobs than most families, or worry about more things than most families, and heck, even handle the majority of our stresses alone, we are still parents, a role that we need to embrace, and to be proud of it! As a single parent we are not given a waiver that states that we are free from RAISING OUR CHILDREN. We need to do this with patience, kindness, love, teaching them to be free from anger and with the power to forgive.
I hope you enjoy this blog, I look forward to your feedback, comments, criticism, and smiles. Remember none of these words I have written would have been possible if it weren't for God and my love for my son.
"Love is patient"
When my child was born, I was immediately changed. I worried about him, my body missed his presence within, and I had the need to protect him. I knew right then that I wanted to do whatever I could to provide for him a life better than the one I had. It was as though he could judge at such a young age. I remember daydreaming in the hospital about his room, his space, his toys, and none of it reflected visions of divorce, abandonment, homelessness, and fear.
In the months ahead, I had to learn very quickly the meaning of patience. Patience with my (then) husband, patience with myself as a new mother, and with my family. God granted me this virtue because He knew I needed it, I needed to practice it so that I had it to pull on in the future...It wasn't easy, but I learned it and am still learning new patience every day.
"Kind"
As a mother, I have learned that my son is a reflection of me. When I am with him, I am representing him, and he is representing me . I have always been kind, but in my new role, I have found it very hard to hold my temper when I feel like my son has been wronged in some way.
I also learned quickly that all of my actions were being imitated by my son, so if I was kind to a stranger, he would be too. If I was kind to his father, he would be too. If I reacted in a negative tone, he would learn that too. My son is 2 years old now, and it is so funny to see him imitate me on a cell phone, even down to the "uh huh's". Through this experience, I realize I am responsible for his actions...so parents, remember to be kind.
"...It does not envy, boast, nor is proud"
Hmm...I am not envious, I am not boastful, but I am very proud of my son. I am proud of the little person that he is, he is compassionate, sensitive, a blessing, and pure joy. He keeps me excited about life, smiling even when I am down...now a days, he reminds me to talk to God...usually when he is trying to dodge bedtime, but I cannot help but be proud of him. Children sense their parents' enthusiasm about them, it makes them excited and want to do better, just to get that reaction...and for a child, that is priceless.
"...It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking"
In all you do, give honor and glory to God. If you spend your time dishonoring others, our children learn that and will do it too...need an example? Look at today's children, they have no manners, and have no respect for elders...As human beings, we were born selfish, I teach my son daily to share, and to realize he is here for a reason, and being mean and selfish is not one of those reasons. The things we have today are things that we worked for, time was put into it, and it can all be taken away.
"...It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
If you get nothing else out of this blog, at least realize that life is too short. Too short to hold on to anger, and too short not to forgive. Children die daily some from terminal illnesses, some from accidents and mistakes, and some from things that still have no explanation.
Forgiveness and anger are two things that I believe are learned behaviors and are passed on or not passed on (for forgiveness sake) through generations. I believe anger is a generational curse, and forgiveness, a generational blessing. God forgives us daily for our sins, and keeps no records of our wrongs. He knows what we have done, and what our potential is, He does this for us, His children. Remember that these things are important in rearing a child. Don't teach them anger, teach them to let go, and let God deal with the other party, because life is too short and will pass us by if we hold on to anger for years. Forgiveness is essential to growth and releasing anger, they work hand in hand. I had to forgive my son's father for things he had done in order to keep a peaceful relationship with him that teaches our son to respect him despite things that have nothing to do with him. It is our duty as parents to teach our children this.
You're probably wondering where I am going with all of this information. Well for starters, my name is Triniece Matthews. I am a divorced, single parent to a wonderful little boy. I Corinthians 13:4-8 is one of my favorite scriptures, mainly for the reasons given above but also because of how it relates to being a parent. I am writing this blog to help give support to parents operating alone who need someone to relate to. Parents who need an example to agree or disagree with, to reassure them that they are either doing something right, or wrong, and for me to agree with them on the fact that even as parents, we do not have all the answers.
My main reason for writing this blog is to help parents, especially single parents to remember, that even though we may work more jobs than most families, or worry about more things than most families, and heck, even handle the majority of our stresses alone, we are still parents, a role that we need to embrace, and to be proud of it! As a single parent we are not given a waiver that states that we are free from RAISING OUR CHILDREN. We need to do this with patience, kindness, love, teaching them to be free from anger and with the power to forgive.
I hope you enjoy this blog, I look forward to your feedback, comments, criticism, and smiles. Remember none of these words I have written would have been possible if it weren't for God and my love for my son.
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